Saturday, June 5, 2010

struggling

4.21 am



i am awake and i am studying the stupid econs for the freaking exam next week.
oh gosh . two more chapters to go and i really hope that i can finish it fast and efficiently !!
it seems as it will never finish for me .
how i wish it is morning now and i can have a good and proper breakfast for me to lighten up my days !
so that i can continue to study ==
well ! gonna study now and breakfast here i come ! yum yum :P

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8.48a.m



i am still awake
and suprisingly , i am not as tired as i imagined
well , technically i have finished my econs ,
but i dont know how much did i absorbed and digested throughly
and it seems that i have forgotten evrything again = =
whatever it is , tomorrow is my LAW
not my econs . so it is still ok for me to put aside my econs first .
however , the toughness yet most important subject which is meant to be tested on tomorrow , i haven even finish studying yet !
and all those that i have studied , just like econs , i have forgotten everything again , just a little bit here and there .
sad to say that it is a subject which require you to memorize almost evrything in the text book and vomit it out words by words .*pat my forehead with my hand * faint
sigh ... so now , i had my breakfast , but not the " lighten up my day " breakfast cause subway haven open yet == i was too early this morning. zzz
maybe i will get it during my lunch ?
lol all i am thinking now is food = =
but food really important rite ? it gives us energy , power ,nutrients.... ok enuf for the crap .
off to study ! go go fighting ! :p

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A start of something new

i just did something great .
i deleted all my older post in form 5 .
sounds cool huh ? LOL
just left some post that i think is quite meaningful.
i read through all my post last time .
all those memory that i have nearly forget about it .
it is pretty remarkable and this will always make me reminisce all the crazy stuff that i have done last time .

and NOW.
people always say that what have been past is past ,
there is no point to trap yourself in the past and stop yourself from moving forward.
what really matter is the moment right now,
sometime we did do something at the spur of the moment right?
memory shall not be forgone. but it will still become foggy .
no matter what u have done last time , how many hard work u have put in ,
how dedicated you are in doing that particular thing for that particular person who did mean a lot in your life last time , it will still faded away slowly together with time .
people is then grown , turning into a better person , mature , demanding, sensible , understanding , and the list goes on.
well , i have a special term for this ,
i called this as " evolving "
however, there is still a little bit of things that i missed out.
i had dropped my trust on others , i had dropped my innocent towards some kind of stuff , i had dropped the feeling of wanted to fall in love again , i had dropped the way that i used to communicate with people , and i am hiding myself away from people.
sometime i just want to be alone.
it is so tired to be nice to ppl every single time and afraid of offending someone or saying or doing something wrong or trying hard to fit in with the crowd.
well i just dont want to make anyone unhappy.
ok i admit it .
i am just not suitable for this . and i dont wanna to try so hard anymore.
just let it be then .
i have my goal to achieve , i have my stuff to do . thats all i know.
and i know i have to do this alone.
you cannot rely on others evrytime.
i guess it is time for me to have some quiet moment and start to figure what is really important for me .
i dont really want to see their disappointed face and i dont want to make myself regret again.
i dont know whether am i a I-SAY-IT-AND-I-MEANT-IT person but this is the current thing that i wanted to do .
leanrt from my past and promise myself I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN .