What a day.

I have no more photos to share for this post,
because of my useless handphone which spoiled like few days ago.
and the main thing is i dont have a camera with me.
and i dont even own one. T.T
Basically today is quite a meaningful day for me
and i realise that my mood fluctuate pretty much today , which swings from depressed to happy to emotional and well, i can say is happy again.


i think i laugh quite easily.
which i think is a both good and bad things
Looking on the bright side, i forget all the unhappy stuffs easily and my mood get better in a speedy way.
On the other side of the coin, i laugh too easily even if i am not supposed to laugh at certain occasions.
i think for me, it is sort of annoying sometimes but i just couldn help myself, maybe i should go and do a check up to find out what is wrong with the part of my brain cell which is responsible to make me feel " funny " or response to any " hillarius " stuff when NECESSARY.
BUT,we shouldn generalize things too easily.
Overall, i come up with a conclusion that, it is still a good thing.
it will not be me myself anymore if i didn laugh so easily.


Actually something just happened to me recently.
The day before my business exam , i should have been studying hard,
but eventually my mood was so spoiled by some kind of news,
and i have no mood to study at allllllll.
i seriously dont get myself. maybe i just couldn take it at the beginning.
but some how it was ok for me right now, and what i reli hope that he will be happy with his new life :)


anyway, the business paper was soooo hard ! FML
I HATE ACCOUNTING !
but i still manage to squeeze out some ans at the end of the paper, which i was running out of time and struggled to finish the paper.
Shit you question one!
i spent too much times on question and ended up having not enough time to finish my second question.SIGH.
IT RELI MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND DEJECTED AFTER SITTING FOR THE PAPER.

Anyhow i am glad to say that i have awesome classmates:) which brighten up my day once again. haha but seriously the movie was.... LAME ? LOL

and here comes the main thing..
my dear tdc Kween Iylia had invited me to her motivation talk which called asia works.
well , at the beginning i seriously never thought that it will be such a serious thingy. i was having a mind of lets go and take a look / mingle around since i have nth to do and since iylia had invited me :)
herm herm , somehow it is the kween rite, hehehehe.
but i was amazed and impressed by the speaker and the talk that we have actually been through. it was good.
it taught me lots of stuffs actually and it trigged my mind while he was saying about the conscious and conscious theory, which i have experienced it well enough.
there were also some kind of experiment , which make me think that , ohyea, it was true though,
ppl tend to have good or positive thinking about his or herself, think that their own race is superior than others , think that they are better or always think things based on their own personal point of view ONLY.
i am not saying about all of them , but basically , part of it was true .
even u think that u are not that good , but somehow, in some situation, u will still tend to think that u are better than others.
and some will start to be self-centered and refuse to keep on improving.


Thanks iylia for bringing me to this asia work though, it was good.:)
it reli knocked me up.
and i will never stop myself from improving.
Live in the present and looking forward for the future.
i want fantastic lifestyle !:)

Confuse

i simply just dont understand myself.

tomorrow will be my exam.
well frankly speaking i dont rell have the mood to study anymore.
not becos of i am too confident or anything.
but just, my heart and my brain doesnt gif me any chances to take a breathe.
i am so occupied with all the memories and all of those things started to flashback into my mind one by one,and it just stick inside my brain like a scar.
the more i want to remove it, the more painful i feel.
i really dont get it, why am i so stubborn ?
why am i still keep holding on while the other one doesnt even care anymore.
and what purpose or what do i get when i feel so exhausted and dont even have enough strength to struggle anymore?
is it mean that or is it true that love can really turn people into a dummies or lobotomized?
i have no words to describe how i feel right now, or i will rather say it , i was too depressed to think of any words to describe my feelings.
It is just too tough for me.
and all of a sudden. my world is filled with grief and sadness.
and i cnt find any reason to explain this.
it is so silly. and i dont want to admit that i am that silly
for all this while.
Affirm with one's lip but deny in one's heart.
yes i am that kind of person.
the only thing can make me forget about you is to hate u.
and i have no choice but to do so.
i really dont expect myself to be so vulnerable.
because it is impossible for me to just flick a switch like that.
evry single time i try to forget about u , all the kindness and good personality in you will automatically come into my mind, which make me feel even emptier and sadder rather than to get angry with u .
maybe i am the one who is not good enuf for u.
i know. i will never be good enuf for anyone.
i cant stop blamming myself after we have separated, and i always think it is all my fault.And whenever you did sth wrong , i am not stupid. i knew it. But i choose to forgif and forget.
whenever u are finding an excuse to avoid me , i knew it , but i choose to forgif and forget.
whenever u are too busy or u are too lazy to even reply my msg ,i knew it but i understand and what i did is just waiting for you.
evrn if i am so tired and there have been so many times where i wake up in the middle of the night just to ans ur call with my phone holding in my hand because i was waiting for ur call or reply until i fall asleep again.
i was lying to you because i was too afraid to look at you in your eyes and i dont want to admit that i am actually shy.
and evrything else u have done and the dreams that u wanted.
i understand it well.
i always hope that i can help to share your sadness and suffering.
but i realize that it was just a lie after all.
i am nothing and worthless in ur eyes.
i know u hate me.
but i cant hate u back just because of this.
when i come to think of all the efforts that i had put in all this while.
what i can do is just to say sorry and sincerely hope that u will found your happiness.
i am not the one for you or anyone else. i am just not suitable in all these kind of things.
sorry , i dont know how to love a person properly.

i simply just dont understand myself.