i simply just dont understand myself.
tomorrow will be my exam.
well frankly speaking i dont rell have the mood to study anymore.
not becos of i am too confident or anything.
but just, my heart and my brain doesnt gif me any chances to take a breathe.
i am so occupied with all the memories and all of those things started to flashback into my mind one by one,and it just stick inside my brain like a scar.
the more i want to remove it, the more painful i feel.
i really dont get it, why am i so stubborn ?
why am i still keep holding on while the other one doesnt even care anymore.
and what purpose or what do i get when i feel so exhausted and dont even have enough strength to struggle anymore?
is it mean that or is it true that love can really turn people into a dummies or lobotomized?
i have no words to describe how i feel right now, or i will rather say it , i was too depressed to think of any words to describe my feelings.
It is just too tough for me.
and all of a sudden. my world is filled with grief and sadness.
and i cnt find any reason to explain this.
it is so silly. and i dont want to admit that i am that silly
for all this while.
Affirm with one's lip but deny in one's heart.
yes i am that kind of person.
the only thing can make me forget about you is to hate u.
and i have no choice but to do so.
i really dont expect myself to be so vulnerable.
because it is impossible for me to just flick a switch like that.
evry single time i try to forget about u , all the kindness and good personality in you will automatically come into my mind, which make me feel even emptier and sadder rather than to get angry with u .
maybe i am the one who is not good enuf for u.
i know. i will never be good enuf for anyone.
i cant stop blamming myself after we have separated, and i always think it is all my fault.And whenever you did sth wrong , i am not stupid. i knew it. But i choose to forgif and forget.
whenever u are finding an excuse to avoid me , i knew it , but i choose to forgif and forget.
whenever u are too busy or u are too lazy to even reply my msg ,i knew it but i understand and what i did is just waiting for you.
evrn if i am so tired and there have been so many times where i wake up in the middle of the night just to ans ur call with my phone holding in my hand because i was waiting for ur call or reply until i fall asleep again.
i was lying to you because i was too afraid to look at you in your eyes and i dont want to admit that i am actually shy.
and evrything else u have done and the dreams that u wanted.
i understand it well.
i always hope that i can help to share your sadness and suffering.
but i realize that it was just a lie after all.
i am nothing and worthless in ur eyes.
i know u hate me.
but i cant hate u back just because of this.
when i come to think of all the efforts that i had put in all this while.
what i can do is just to say sorry and sincerely hope that u will found your happiness.
i am not the one for you or anyone else. i am just not suitable in all these kind of things.
sorry , i dont know how to love a person properly.
i simply just dont understand myself.
